One year....never forgotten

It's hard to believe tomorrow marks one day since I lost my Dad here on earth. I know he is in heaven with my mom and for that I am eternally grateful, I will get to see him again. However, there is so much he has missed and I have missed sharing with him. I so wish I could call and talk to him. I still have the last voicemail he ever sent me. I haven't even erased him from my phone contacts.

I finally got the guts to do all the things he had been on me to do - quit smoking - lose weight - exercise - Dad  - do you know? I have 4 beautiful grandchildren - he only got to see 2. Mom never got to meet any of them - that makes me so sad - she was an awesome mother and grandmother.

As I got older  - my parents became my n=best friends. There was rarely a day I did not talk to them. So tonight I am sad - very sad - because I miss them.

I am thankful to them for all the things they taught me - to work hard, to never give up, to have faith, to be honest, to smile through adversity> But most of all they taught me the importance of family!!

Dad - you were my hero, you were my rock, I love you more than words can ever say! I cherish every last moment we spent together and am so grateful  we had that time. I wish we had gotten more. but thanks to Calvary - I will be reunited with you and Mom. But just so you know - time may go by - but you are always in my heart and mind.

All my love - Deb

Why?

Today I am filled with questions. Today has been a tough day. Today should have been my dad's birthday. Why have I lost both my parents? Today no one I invited showed up to the Body by Vi party. Why would people pass on such an exciting program? Today I heard about peoples exciting trips. Why didn't I go anywhere for Spring Break?

But instead of asking why - I have decided to look at Who. God created me. God knows what I need and when I need it. I out it all in his hands, and I will let Him know the whys. If He feels led to share them with me I will listen...if not I will trust and have faith.

To god be the Glory that today my dad celebrated his birthday in Heaven! praise the Lord that a couple came to my house and learned about Body by Vi. And thanks to God I got the opportunity to work out on a consistent basis all week and ma leaving for Nationals on Friday!!!!

Deb

Thsi is me and my Dad 2 years ago !! I miss you and Love you Dad!!

God's Infinite Wisdom

The last couple of days have reminded me just how powerful our God is. He is wiser than the wisest and greater than the greatest. My youngest daughter gave birth on Tuesday to a beautiful baby girl. We love her dearly. She had decided at the start of the pregnancy not to keep the baby. She has faced a lot of personal problems the last 2 years and is just getting her life back on track. She knew that for her and her almost 2 year old...keeping the baby was not an option.

A friend of hers had a couple who had adopted a little girl two year ago...they were interested. We thought it was perfect...God knew better. That family was able to adopt a full sibling to their daughter. My daughter's world seemed to spin. Her step-mom felt led to call a friend who has has trouble having a second child. They were interested. The home study went through without any difficulty. The father did not consent - but did not contest. The baby was a girl - she told me yesterday her son had been praying specifically for a sister.

I watched as my daughter struggled through horrible pain...the baby was stuck - hotting her pelvis - anesthesia could do nothing. I sat in the labor room with the adoptive mother and found out we were in the youth group together. i just didn't recognize her after all these years. I saw the adoptive mom watch in awe and wonder as her daughter was brought into this world. I watched as she cut the cord. I watched my daughter cry...knowing what was coming and in joy over the gift she just gave. I could feel God's amazing spirit in the room!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cried a little saying good bye to my 4th grandchild today...but I know in God's infinite wisdom - she will be well taken care of, loved and nurtured for the rest of her life. It is an open adoption and we will get to see her grow through pictures etc...

But most amazing is God;s love, grace and wisdom to take what many would call a mistake and turn it into a beautiful amazing experience.

Please pray for my daughter - although she is comfortable with her decision - 100% - it is never easy to give away a child. Pray for comfort and healing!

Here is a picture of my 4th granddaughter and her new Mom!

Romans 8:28

The Message (MSG)

 ^26-28Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

Adventures in couponing

I am by no means an extravagant person. I do not get plastic surgery - although of I could afford it, I would get complete body lipo - ha ha!! I do not live in a fancy house - it is nice, comfy and home. but we live like most Americans - a little above what we should and God has really laid it on my heart this year to work to be more frugal. we have things in our future we would like to do and we would like to do it debt free. I am hoping and praying for a job with my Master's Degree - but in this economy - who knows. We could get second jobs - but in doing so would sacrifice the family and our own time we are trying so hard to carve out.

So, I am couponing. I am not an extreme couponer - by any means. But I am working at finding the best deals and the coupons to go with them. Yesterday was my first shot - and I did pretty well. I saved over 76 dollars. We are laying a stock pile of things we run out of a lot - when you have to RUN to the store - you generally do not save money. I was pleased with the outcome and I feel blessed that god is giving me a way to help provide for my family. It also gives me some needed alone time - there is not much of that in a house with two toddlers.

For years, my Dad would chastise me for not using coupons. Now that he is not here - I am doing it. he was the first person I wanted to call when I got my receipt. Hopefully he knows.

Will you see me on a future episode of Extreme Couponing - NO! But I am happy to do my part to take my family a little further down the road god has set before us!!!

Debi

New Year's Resolutions

I know it has been way too long since I wrote anything. Life happens - or we let it happen to us. 2011 was a year of challenges. A LOT of challenges. But here I am on the 2nd day of 2012 - still facing life with my husband at my side, my kids in pretty good shape and 3 grandchildren. I don't usually do the whole resolutions thing - but I have come to the conclusion that I NEED to make some changes in my life.

More to the point - God has shown me I NEED to make some resolutions and changes in my life. The first of which is taking time for myself. This is where this blog will give me that outlet to express my thoughts and feelings. The list goes on from here:
2. Draw closer to God - inwardly and publicly
3. Eat healthier
4. Exercise - yea - I NEED to!!!
5. Laugh a lot
6. Laugh with my husband more - by spending more time just the two of us - so if you know of any babysitters - send them my way!!!
7. Couponing - you will here more about this as the year goes on!

Realizing that that the precious time God has given us here on earth should be LIVED - thus why I changed the name of my blog - My ultimate new year's GOAL is to live, laugh and love. God has blessed me and I plan to enjoy it!!!

Debi

I am a bad blogger....I let life get in the way....

I promised myself months ago that life would not get in the way...but I let life get in the way...but I am so over that! I have had a good first month of summer. I got a new job and I am really really excited about it - those of you who know me really understand this. I moved another daughter back home...i laugh that just about 2 years ago at this time, Tim and I were beginning the empty nest stage and now our nest is full - almost overflowing. I am trying to relax and have more fun....i rejoined the Y - to work out some - but mainly to have activities for Anneshia and I to do together. I have discovered she loves to swim!!!

I have had some disappointments too - but that is just part of life here on this earth. i am working on becoming a Cosmic soldier....and we are not fighting people - but rather a very real demon in Satan. he attacks with lies and I fully admit - I am human and fall for them - just like Eve - but I am working at cleaning my Spirit to go into battle. The first thing I am cleaning is my lack of thankfulness. I have so much to be thankful for and I do not thank God enough for the blessings he has given me - so i am making a list starting today.

1.  A wonderful, loving, loyal, honest and caring husband.
2.  3 beautiful daughters - who do have faults but love their Mommy - who has her own faults with all their hearts.
3. 2 amazing, gorgeous, smart  and adorable granddaughters who grandma spoils rotten.
4. A job with a descent salary.
5. A beautiful house
6. A nice car - not a necessity - but God has allowed this luxury for me.
7. My health - with 7 abdominal surgeries, poor eyesight and this year's cancer scare - I am so thankful i have nothing wrong with my health.
8. A wonderful church!!!!
9. An amazing group of women I have the pleasure to call friends!
10. A beautiful flower garden - I know this is God because I normally kill plants!!!
11. Laughter - what a gift from God!
12. A beautiful world - how can we not thank Him for the wondrous world He created?

i plan on continuing this list in each of my blogs - as i continue to make sure I take time for me!!!!

Flowers and memories...

I needed some flower therapy tonight....it is the one thing I know I inherited from my mom and dad. They were excellent gardeners. Dad kept an immaculate yard and mom had a green thumb. Tonight I couldn't help thinking about them as Kari and I planted flowers. I miss them. I miss them so much I still cry every night before I go to bed...it feels so weird to not have parents. It irks me to hear kids complain about their parents all day long when I would give anything to just tell mine that I love them - just one more time.

The other night Ashley was looking at pictures on my laptop when a picture of my dad popped up and Anneshia said PAPA...and I cried ..I am crying now. She loved him and yet she will never remember him. she will not know what an awesome man he was...how he taught me so much about life and living things - so I planted my flowers in honor of my mom and dad...so when I look at each bloom and water each flower - I will add something beautiful to this life like they added beauty to mine!!

Family can be messy...

I will never win a mother of the year award. My family puts the fun in dysfunctional - LOL - borrowed that from another family member. I could however win a love my family with all my heart and soul award!!! But family can be messy. I currently have two daughters, one son-in-law and a granddaughter all living with me and my hubby. It is noisy and crazy. But i would do anything for my children and my grandchildren. I pray for them each and everyday and I would do anything for them...and sometimes that includes saying no.

One of my daughters is out of control...she has borderline personality disorder and she refuses to get treatment. Out of respect for her privacy - I will not use her name here. I worry about her. She can be the sweetest person on the face of this earth and the next minute be so angry that it scares people in this family. I have decided after 5 years of dealing with this that I cannot do it anymore. I will love from afar. I will continue to pray for her daily. She has hurt me with her lies, hurt me with her words and hurt others in our family. I know she thinks I am just doing this to be mean - but I really really love her. But I can't make her better and God has really been telling me that I need to let go and let Him handle it.

That is one thing that is very difficult for me - I don't let go and sometimes I am the mess in this messy family. So I am working on letting go and letting God. I am holding on to the fact that I know I raised my girls right and that they know the ways of God...so I hope someday she will turn back to God. I ask you my friends to pray for her, pray for me and pray for my family. We can be a mess - a friend told me recently that my family has more drama than a soap opera - LOL - but we are my mess and I love my family with all my heart and soul!!!