Friends or friends???

It is so hard for me to write this blog today...I am feeling lonely. My husband has been working a lot of hours lately and he is my best friend. I have a group of girl friends but truth be told...I don't know how close we really are. A lot of it is my fault...i get busy with Anneshia and don't take time to reach out to them the way I should. On the other hand they don't either.

I am lonely sometimes. sometimes I want to just pick up the phone and talk to another female. Some times I want to go have a pedicure with a friend. I am sure all the drama in my life the last few years has scared some potential friends off...but I did not cause the drama - aren't friends - real friends supposed to stick with you through thick and thin??? That's why it is so great to have my savior to lean on.

See God doesn't drop me when He is busy. He doesn't expect me to have a perfect life. He listens to me and checks up on me all the time. He loves me unconditionally. he truly is the perfect friend. Maybe instead of whining about things I don't have - I need to focus more on what I do have - it is a lesson I am learning from A book I am reading - The Energy Bus.

I have spent far too much energy focused on trying to get certain people to like me and to have friends - rather than being thankful for what I have. I need to cleanse my life of negative energy and focus on positive energy.

I will continue to do the things in this book and see what develops!!!

Maybe I can learn from Mia and Anneshia who have become fast friends!!!

Oh What a Savior!: I am a bad blogger....I let life get in the way......

Oh What a Savior!: I am a bad blogger....I let life get in the way......: "I promised myself months ago that life would not get in the way...but I let life get in the way...but I am so over that! I have had a good f..."

I am a bad blogger....I let life get in the way....

I promised myself months ago that life would not get in the way...but I let life get in the way...but I am so over that! I have had a good first month of summer. I got a new job and I am really really excited about it - those of you who know me really understand this. I moved another daughter back home...i laugh that just about 2 years ago at this time, Tim and I were beginning the empty nest stage and now our nest is full - almost overflowing. I am trying to relax and have more fun....i rejoined the Y - to work out some - but mainly to have activities for Anneshia and I to do together. I have discovered she loves to swim!!!

I have had some disappointments too - but that is just part of life here on this earth. i am working on becoming a Cosmic soldier....and we are not fighting people - but rather a very real demon in Satan. he attacks with lies and I fully admit - I am human and fall for them - just like Eve - but I am working at cleaning my Spirit to go into battle. The first thing I am cleaning is my lack of thankfulness. I have so much to be thankful for and I do not thank God enough for the blessings he has given me - so i am making a list starting today.

1.  A wonderful, loving, loyal, honest and caring husband.
2.  3 beautiful daughters - who do have faults but love their Mommy - who has her own faults with all their hearts.
3. 2 amazing, gorgeous, smart  and adorable granddaughters who grandma spoils rotten.
4. A job with a descent salary.
5. A beautiful house
6. A nice car - not a necessity - but God has allowed this luxury for me.
7. My health - with 7 abdominal surgeries, poor eyesight and this year's cancer scare - I am so thankful i have nothing wrong with my health.
8. A wonderful church!!!!
9. An amazing group of women I have the pleasure to call friends!
10. A beautiful flower garden - I know this is God because I normally kill plants!!!
11. Laughter - what a gift from God!
12. A beautiful world - how can we not thank Him for the wondrous world He created?

i plan on continuing this list in each of my blogs - as i continue to make sure I take time for me!!!!

Great Day

I had a terrific Mother's day - even without my Mom - not that I did not think of her all day! I love my Mom and Miss her terribly. she was a terrific mom! she was an inspiration to me throughout my entire life - even now when she is not here - I still find myself thinking about what she would do - what she would say etc.... Today was good because my family let me just relax. I slept in - I had a great time at church - then I went to a great movie with Kari - my oldest. That was after I received great presents - a Kindle, perfume and candy. All three of my girls called or wished me a Happy Mother's Day. I had a great dinner and kisses from my granddaughter.

Family is all we have. Being a mom can be a thankless job - but God entrusts us to teach our children right and wrong. Although there are times I feel like I fail - I trust that the seeds were planted and they will all grow up into the wonderful young women I know they are. My mom went through her trials with each of us - but we all turned out okay in the end!! So happy mothers day Mom. Thank you for your love! And thank you my dear family for a GREAT DAY!!

Flowers and memories...

I needed some flower therapy tonight....it is the one thing I know I inherited from my mom and dad. They were excellent gardeners. Dad kept an immaculate yard and mom had a green thumb. Tonight I couldn't help thinking about them as Kari and I planted flowers. I miss them. I miss them so much I still cry every night before I go to bed...it feels so weird to not have parents. It irks me to hear kids complain about their parents all day long when I would give anything to just tell mine that I love them - just one more time.

The other night Ashley was looking at pictures on my laptop when a picture of my dad popped up and Anneshia said PAPA...and I cried ..I am crying now. She loved him and yet she will never remember him. she will not know what an awesome man he was...how he taught me so much about life and living things - so I planted my flowers in honor of my mom and dad...so when I look at each bloom and water each flower - I will add something beautiful to this life like they added beauty to mine!!

Family can be messy...

I will never win a mother of the year award. My family puts the fun in dysfunctional - LOL - borrowed that from another family member. I could however win a love my family with all my heart and soul award!!! But family can be messy. I currently have two daughters, one son-in-law and a granddaughter all living with me and my hubby. It is noisy and crazy. But i would do anything for my children and my grandchildren. I pray for them each and everyday and I would do anything for them...and sometimes that includes saying no.

One of my daughters is out of control...she has borderline personality disorder and she refuses to get treatment. Out of respect for her privacy - I will not use her name here. I worry about her. She can be the sweetest person on the face of this earth and the next minute be so angry that it scares people in this family. I have decided after 5 years of dealing with this that I cannot do it anymore. I will love from afar. I will continue to pray for her daily. She has hurt me with her lies, hurt me with her words and hurt others in our family. I know she thinks I am just doing this to be mean - but I really really love her. But I can't make her better and God has really been telling me that I need to let go and let Him handle it.

That is one thing that is very difficult for me - I don't let go and sometimes I am the mess in this messy family. So I am working on letting go and letting God. I am holding on to the fact that I know I raised my girls right and that they know the ways of God...so I hope someday she will turn back to God. I ask you my friends to pray for her, pray for me and pray for my family. We can be a mess - a friend told me recently that my family has more drama than a soap opera - LOL - but we are my mess and I love my family with all my heart and soul!!!

Life worth living....

I will no longer take my life for granted. It is amazing to me that Dad was here and I was with him and just 36 hours later he was gone. I have memories - lots and lots of memories - because my parents knew how to live life. My dad had friends... that is one area I have neglected. It is not that I am unfriendly - I just tend to get wrapped up in my own life and career and forget that life is not about working and paying bills and routines - but about LIVING!!!! So I vow to call my friends more often... to plan spontaneous things with my hubby...to go outside and play more with Anneshia...to take a vacation every year...I want to create memories.

There is a line in the song we played at my dad's funeral that goes, "But memory is one gift of God that death can not destroy." So I vow to live my life and share my time God allows me to live on this earth creating memories...I guess I am creating my own bucket list of sorts - I know it sounds morbid - but I really feel the need to kick life into high gear and LIVE.....and LAUGH and LOVE!!!!