Looking in the mirror

Today I felt like a failure. I was sitting in the dressing room with Anneshia...trying on Christmas dresses for her, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and felt like a failure. I have put on a lot of the weight I worked so hard to get off. I even posted on FB that I felt like a failure...and what one person said...combined with the talk tonight at church....made me reflect on. That feeling.

I am focusing on a different part of my life right now. I have little ones who need my time and attention. I have students who need lessons that grow their minds. I have a husband to show love to and a church to serve at. I am not a failure....I am just changing where my focus is.... I spent the last 2 years trying to get skinny, basking in the compliments and being prideful.... Not focusing really on my health. I spent so much time and energy focusing on trying to become a champion and reach a club for big losers that I lost sight of why I was doing it and God let this " failure" happen to remind me of where my focus needs to be.

I will get healthy. I will find wys to balance my life to be able to get some exercise, but it needs to be in balance. There are to many priorities in life right now.... Need to focus on what God lays on my heart and quit being

selfish!!!!! I am not a failure...I am a beautiful, loving, intelligent daughter of the King and no one can take that from me!!!

In Jesus Name

I have been through a lot of sermons, messages, lessons and talks in my many years in church. Yet, this weekend really hit a chord with me!

It wasn't anything in particular that was said but the words ...in Jesus name kept going over and over in my mind, my heart, and my soul.

Maybe it's the chaos my life has become recently....although things are settling down. Maybe it's the chaos my children's lives are, but I started to wonder if it's because we are not truly focusing on Him. When I teach....although I can't mention Him....am I doing it for Him?

When I shower my two grand kids that live with me with kisses and correct them when they are wrong....am I doing it in Jesus' name?


I don't mean to go all theological, hyperChristian.....but am I really 100 percent sold out? Do I Live for him? Or is this a battle I need to try to fight harder Paul wrote I am crucified with Christ.....have I truly had my own selfish person crucified....do I let Christ reign in my life????

I am not saying my life would be perfect, without trials and tribulations, if I was completely sold out....but wouldn't my perspective be different?

As I ponder this...your thoughts and ideas are always welcome!!!!!

Debi

Backwards...or forwards..Fighting the thing

A lot has happened since I last posted! I have gained another child in the house. Steven, our grandson, has come to live with us. It has been a little stressful, but we are making it!

The worst thing is my weight. I try and not stress eat but I do it anyways. I have put on about 25 pounds. I cry over it. I get mad over it, but it's a reality. I don't have the strength or energy right now to deal with it. Steven takes a lot of energy right now as he is getting used to so much. I can't workout like I was....I try to make shakes but I just don't get anywhere.

I also thing I am a little mad. Some people that were supposed to be my friends stopped talking to me because I wasn't progressing in the business. It has really hurt me a lot. Then I found out they were talking about me to other people...that hurt even more. One person even recorded what was said. I cried.

So I think I gave up on me for a little while. why? Because I let the thing back in that Satan uses to get me to self sabotage. I do not have a great self esteem. It surprises me when people compliment me. I think it is easier for me to hide behind the fat person then to face rejection of people. Satan knows that's my thing and I let the thing back in.

So the question is....do I continue to go backwards or do I try and move forward? I choose to look at the thing and work on the thing and then get the thing under control and then try again!  So for now, no diet updates. Instead I need to focus on getting my thing...my self sabotage out of my life. Your prayers   would be appreciated!!!



Debi

Take the rosé colored glasses off

The last few weeks have been really eye opening. I have started an amazing new job and am working with the most amazing group of kids and teachers. I have spent some great quality time with my family and my life is very happy. Except for one area. I was dropped by some friends. And it hurt. It all started when I did my climb of Pikes Peak instead of another trip. No, it started before that and it hurts.

It hurt to the point that I reverted back to some old eating habits. I am an emotional eater and when I hurt, I eat. I will soon be getting some help for that. These are people I truly thought had become lifetime friends. But apparently, it was a friendship only when I was doing what they wanted and was building for them. What hurts the most is that these were Christian friends. We even went to Bible study together until their beliefs did not match up with ours. I will not put down their beliefs, but I can't sit in a situation when I feel uncomfortable. And that's when the cracks in the relationship began.

I miss the camaraderie. I really miss the support. I do not miss the being judged. I do not miss being told I don't believe if I don't attend a certain event etc... I truly believe 100% in what I was doing. It works, the health side of it. The business side just didn't for us. I realize now I was just meant to be a teacher and its where God wants me to be. My principal told me that the other dy....that he is glad I am there because he can tell students are learning in my class. That's confirmation for me.

So I say goodbye. Goodbye to people that had really ment a lot to me. Goodbye to people that supported me through a tough battle. But I also say hello. Hello to a person who knows what she is capable of and will fight to the end to achieve my goals. Hello to someone who will make sure her friends are never left out. Hello to spending more time with my best friend. And one who will never let pride or the thought of riches distract me from the plan God has for me. I am ready to go on a great adventure.


Debi

Battles

Ever feel like life is a constant battle?? I think it's because this is not our home. Recently I have been battling just giving up on my weightless. I have been stuck in a plateau, then a lot of family stress and I find excuses and more excuses!

Then when your cheering section turns out not to really cheer for you....it becomes a battle,but I find comfort in knowing who will ultimately will win! See I have determination but even more importantly, I have a God bigger than hypocritical friend, bigger than the number on the scale, bigger than my bank account etc.... He is all I need.

So when I run in the morning, I run with Him. When I drink that extra 20 Ozzie of water, it's by His grace!

I have a new chance to do it right this time. Instead of trying to do it by myself, although it was a great product and I am still 100% committed to it.... I am now on the GOD diet! Cravings.... Prayer..... Running pain.....prayer.

I am turning to people who love God and have been where I am and where I was!!! I will finish my goal!!!!it is a battle, but I have the greatest army on my side!!!!

Live, Laugh and Love: Conquering Pikes Peak

Live, Laugh and Love: Conquering Pikes Peak: Anyone who knows me, knows my story - as far as it is written. I have had a lot of  success with weight loss and have been training for the ...

Conquering Pikes Peak

Anyone who knows me, knows my story - as far as it is written. I have had a lot of  success with weight loss and have been training for the last 8 or so months to climb Pikes peak! On July 17, 2013, I reached the summit of Pikes Peak at just after 5 pm. I was elated, exhausted and humbled that god provided me with the strength to complete this milestone!

It was not an easy climb! I started out by waking up very early on the morning of the planned hike. I had not slept very well - excitement and nerves. Tim drove me to the trail head, with a stop for some coffee and a couple protein bars to add to my pack. He took this picture right before he drove way:

I used the last bathroom I knew was on the trail = drank a shot of Go and off I went. From a lot of reading, I knew the first 3 miles were the toughest - you gain a lot of altitude very quickly - no kidding. and to make matters worse - I had to dodge these ultra athletes that have been running the incline - I bet I looked like a tortoise - but I knew I had a long way to go. 

I reached the top of the Manitou Incline - where it intersects with the Barr trail and took this picture:

at this point I am still feeling really good and have been keeping  very steady pace. My breathing is  little labored - note to those reading - I have a history of asthma and used to smoke - so this was no big surprise. I continued to climb and continued to run into runners and walkers. One lady that passed me twice - had to be in her late 60's or ear;y 70's and had calves that anyone would kill for!!!!

I took my first rest break at a little over 3.5 miles. I stopped to drink and have a protein bar. I sat on a rock and was looking around when God blessed me with two deer just walking and munching!!!

The sign told me i had 3.5 miles to my next rest - and the only other bathroom on the trail! so off I went.

I was amazed by the beauty I was seeing. I walked through periods of clouds and fog s i went higher and higher. i saw animal tracks and heard animals rustling in the forests. I finally caught glimpse of the summit and where I was headed!

at this point I was getting a little tired and I really needed to go to the bathroom. Now I had my toilet paper and was ready to bare it ll if I needed - but I held on until I reached Barr Camp. This is the halfway point and time for water, potty and a snack! I stayed there about 20 minutes before starting the climb! I met many nice people along the way - and yes - I told each one of them my story and shared the challenge and what it had done for me!!!

At this point I was 6.5 miles from the summit and I knew the trail was going to get a lot tougher. I knew the switchbacks would be steeper and also that the rocks I had to climb would be higher. As a person with very very short legs - I was thankful that my personal trainer, Toby Clayton with Clayton conditioning had included a lot of weights for my training. I was also very thankful that Body by Vi protein shakes help to build lean muscle - because I used each ounce of muscle!!!

God blessed me with some amazing views:

My next stopping point was just as I reached the tree line. For those of you who don't know - this is where trees can no longer grow - although some amazing plants and flowers and animals live here. I stopped and texted Tim to let him know I was moving  lot slower than I anticipated - drank another Go - and off I went!!!

at this point I was really feeling every step. I stopped and said a prayer for strength. although i had brought two large bottles of water - One was gone and the other was only about 2/3 full!! I was sweaty and wet - but I knew deep down that i could accomplish this. The rocks were higher - and the challenges kept coming - my legs hurt, my feet hurt, I was hungry - I was tired - bu although I took a few more rest breaks than I planned on this last 3 miles - I kept going. Its funny how you talk to yourself  - I became the Little engine that could - I think I can, I know I can -I sang - I cried out to God - but I kept going.

I found out there are good people - two different hikers gave me water - several more stopped to give me encouragement - just when I needed it most. The last one was on his way down - him and a friend nd their two beautiful dogs, He gave me some water nd told me it was only about 20 minutes to the top - I practically shouted with joy! I knew it would take me longer than 20 minutes - after all -I had the Golden stairs to climb - with tired nd short legs - but I made it - as I rounded the last bend - I started to sing - the sing that is forever placed at the top - America the beautiful! Oh Beautiful - for spacious skies - I then saw this sign and started to cry - 

I had made it - I crossed the cog rail tracks and all of a sudden - i saw a blue KU hoodie and knew by the walk - it was my hubby - I started shouting - Tim - Tim and he turned and ran towards me!!! I was never so glad to see my family!!!! He hugged me and kissed me - than went nd got my daughter and granddaughter - we took this picture - 

There were people around - clapping and giving me high fives for hiking the mountain. I was tired, sore - bu also very elated! I had done it. Just last February - when I started the Body By Vi 90 day challenge - i was 258 pounds - I could hardly walk a block - I got short of breath walking up our basement stairs  - and here I was - climbing a mountain!!!! To God be the glory - great things he has done!!! 

Let me leave you with the verse I said and prayed all the way up the 13 miles and thousands of feet of altitude - Phil 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ - who gives me strength!!!

Debi